My Alternate Season 8
by angelface3
Summary: I thought I'd give a go at one myself. So please R&R. Oh yeah, mainly C&M and R&R, no P
1. TOW With All the Pregnancy Tests

TOW all the Pregnancy Tests  
  
(scene 1: Chandler and Monica's wedding, where we left off on Season 7)  
  
Phoebe: Look at them they're so happy.  
Rachel: Uh-huh.  
Phoebe: And they're going to have a baby.  
Rachel: Yeah....  
  
the camera zooms into Rachel's face, and then back out to the newlyweds, and the wedding party. We can see Chandler and Monica walking down the aisle, followed by Ross and Rachel (who's looking depressed), and then Phoebe and Joey.  
  
(opening credits)  
  
(scene 2: The Wedding Reception)  
  
Ross: (sadly) I can't believe that my baby sister is finally married. But  
what's even more shocking is that Chandler is married.  
Joey: Yeah I know. Who'd have thought that we'd live to see the day that Mr.   
Non- Commitment would get married. And to think, they're going to be   
parents.  
  
the camera cuts to Chandler and Monica who are sharing their first dance as a married couple  
  
Chandler: Are you sure that you're not pregnant? Phoebe sounded 100% sure that   
it was your pregnancy test that they found.  
Monica: (impatiently) Honey! I think I would know if I was. Look just to prove   
it to you, I'll go take one of those tests right now.   
Chandler: (hesitantly) Okay. (mutters to himself) The mood swings are already   
kicking in.  
Monica: (sharply) What?!?  
Chandler: I just was saying how marriage was already kicking me into shape.  
Monica: Riiight. Look, I have a test in my purse, I'll go now.  
Chandler: (excited) Okay!  
  
We see Monica breaking away and heading towards the bathroom. We cut to the rest of the gang, who are seated at the bar. And Rachel's looking rather green.  
  
Ross: Hey, Rach, are you feeling okay?  
Rachel: Yeah, I'm feeling just fine.  
Phoebe: Well, you look sick.  
Rachel: (sarcasticly) Gee, thanks, Pheebs. I'll remember that one later.  
Phoebe: Sorry!  
Joey: (seductively)Hey Phoebe, wanna take a spin on the dance floor?  
Phoebe: Sure, you know I can't resist you.  
  
We see Phoebe and Joey headed towards the dance floor, and then the camera turns back to Ross and Rachel at the bar.  
  
Ross: (really concerned) Rach, are you sure you're okay? You seem to be hiding   
something.  
Rachel: (exsasperated)Look, it's no big deal, I'm just fine, really. I promise.  
Ross: Because you realize that we've been best friends for over seven years,   
and we don't have any secrets.  
Rachel: (angry)Okay, fine! Yes, I have a secret! But can't you just let it go   
for now and enjoy the party? I promise that I'll tell you later!  
Ross: (trying to calm her) Okay, Rach, that's fine. Wanna dance?  
Rachel: (timidly smiling) Sure, Ross, that'd be great.  
  
We see them head to the dance floor, where Joey and Phoebe are dancing rather crazily to a slow song. Ross just pulls Rachel close to him, and rests her head on his shoulder. She looks relieved, and we can see that she's crying a little. We also see Monica running back to Chandler.  
  
Chandler: (anxious) Well?  
Monica: (w/ a hint of anger) Come with me, I have something to show you.  
Chandler: Okay. (grins)  
  
Monica pulls him to the side of the room, and shows him the box, and then she pulls out the pregnancy test.  
  
Chandler: (disappointed) Oh, it's negative. V/O: Well, the first one is  
obviously positive, so she couldn't have really taken this one, haha,  
we'll see about that! I'll buy her one on our honeymoon. She'll have  
to admit it sooner or later.  
Monica: (miffed) Chandler? Uh, Hello? Are you there?  
Chandler: (snaps back to reality) Yeah, I'm here. Oh well, there'll be plenty of  
time to have babies in the future anyway.  
Monica: Yeah. Hey, it's our wedding reception. Let's go cut our cake!  
Chandler: Okay!  
  
We see various shots of the wedding reception, such as C&M cutting their cake, drinking their champagne, tossing the bouquets and garters, which Ross and Rachel caught, then Phoebe and Joey caught the extras. We see Monica hugging Pheebs and Rach, and all four are crying, we see Chandler hugging the guys who are grinning suggestively. We see them getting rose petals thrown at them, and then leaving in a limo (on the back window says 'Paris or Bust!'). Then the rest of the gang goes in and starts cleaning up, until we see Rachel sitting in a chair in the corner, and Ross walking up behind her.  
  
Rachel: Augh!! You scared me!  
Ross: (sincere) I'm sorry. Are you ready for you and I to talk yet?  
Rachel: Yeah, but let's get out of here first, so we can have more privacy.  
Ross: Okay.  
  
We see them walk out, with Rachel looking scared, Ross looking worried, and him draping his coat around her shoulders.   
  
Commercial Break  
  
We cut to Phoebe and Joey.  
  
Phoebe: Hey Joey, can you do me a favor?  
Joey: Sure, Pheebs.  
Phoebe: Okay, you probably won't want to do this, but I have an old friend   
coming into town, and I told her that I would try to set her up with a   
hot Italian guy, and I thought you might want to.   
Joey: Is she hot?  
Phoebe: Oh, very!   
Joey: Okay, what's her name?  
Phoebe: Samantha, but I call her Sam.  
Joey: Okay, you just name the day.  
Phoebe: (excited) Okay!  
  
Scene: Central Perk. Gunther looks like he's about ready to close up when he sees Rachel walk in.  
  
Rachel: Hey, Gunther. Would it be okay if I hung around here awhile, and   
closed up for you?  
Gunther: Sure Rachel, here are the keys. I'll see you tomorrow?  
Rachel: Yeah. Thanks, Gunther.  
  
Gunther walks out, as Ross begins to walk in.  
  
Rachel: Ross, okay... I'm ready to talk.  
Ross: Thank goodness.  
Rachel: (nervous) Well, here it goes. Oh my gosh, I dreamed of the day that I   
would tell you this, but then, I always thought that we would be   
together when I did.  
Ross: (panicked) Rachel, what is it?!?  
Rachel: You know how Monica's pregnant?  
Ross: (really panicked) You mean it's not Chandler's? Oh my gosh, how could you  
not tell him? Rachel!  
Rachel: (eying him weirdly) Well, it's not Chandler's, because...  
Ross: (interrupting) That's it! I'm going to have to kill my own sister!  
Rachel: (screaming) ROSS! CALM DOWN! The baby's not Chandler's because the   
pregnancy test wasn't Monica's! It was mine! I'M PREGNANT!!!  
Ross: Oh, thank goodness. Oh, wait. (hysterical) You're pregnant? YOU?!? Oh   
gosh! Rachel, WHO'S THE FATHER?!  
Rachel: He's.... Ross, you don't know him  
Ross: (ticked) I might.  
Rachel: (upset) His name's Christophe. (pronounced Chris-tof) He's very French.   
and we went out a couple times, and we did it once! Once! And Bingo!  
Ross: Have you heard from him?  
Rachel: No, he went back to France three weeks ago, but he promised he'd be   
back in a couple months. I'm over a month along now.  
Ross: I'm here for you Rach.  
Rachel: I know Ross. (she starts sobbing)  
Ross: (gently) Shh... Shh... There there. It's going to be okay. I promise. I'm   
not leaving you anytime soon, if ever. You're baby's going to be loved   
by everyone. It will be wonderful for you. You'll never be alone again.  
Rachel: (in between sobs, whispering) Thank you.  
  
We see Ross kiss her forehead, and we cut to Joey's apartment, obviously a few days later. He's pacing around nervously.  
  
Joey: Okay, where is she? I know she's gonna be here. (the doorbell rings)   
It's her, be cool, Joey.   
  
He walks over and opens the door to reveal a very beautiful, but very sophisticated woman in the doorway.  
  
Joey: (hopeful) Samantha?  
Sam: (excited) Joey?  
Joey: How you doin'?  
Sam: (giggles)   
  
They walk out of the apartment holding hands.  
  
Teaser  
  
Scene: A hotel in Paris about a week after the wedding.  
  
Chandler: Monica honey? Where are you?   
Monica: (mad) Chandler! Where the hell do you think I am? I'm taking about the   
hundreth pregnancy test you've bought for me since we've arrived! How  
many times do I have to tell you? I'm NOT pregnant! (tenderly and a   
lot softer) Chandler? Can you come in here a minute?  
  
Chandler gets up and walks to the bathroom.   
  
Chandler: What honey? (she hands him the stick) It's blue, great, another nega..  
WAIT! IT'S BLUE!! You're pregnant! We're having a baby!   
(thrilled) Yippee!!! (He picks her up and swings her) I was beginning  
to believe you weren't.  
Monica: I wasn't! It must've happened this week! Oh, sweetie! I'm having a   
baby with the person I love most! This is wonderful!  
  
Chandler kisses Monica, and then kisses her stomach.   
  
Chandler: (sweetly, whispering) Welcome to our loving family, Baby Bing.   
(Chandler and Monica exchange grins.) 


	2. TOW The Father-Son Bonding

TOW the Father-Son Bonding  
  
(scene Central Perk- Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch)  
  
Phoebe: So?  
Joey: So what?  
Phoebe: How'd it go with Sam?  
Joey: OH! That.. that was fantastic! In fact, I'm taking her out again tonight.  
Phoebe: Cool! Did you sleep with her?  
Joey: No.. but she was a good person, and the attraction was really strong, and I think, that maybe, maybe, I could fall in love with her. And I don't want to sleep with her unless I'm sure that she feels the same way.  
Phoebe: (shocked) Whoah-oh!!! That is soo cool! Joey Tribbiani has finally  
grown up!  
Joey: Huh? I was always an adult  
Phoebe: Uh, nevermind.  
  
Opening Credits  
  
(scene Paris, Chandler and Monica are walking)  
  
Chandler: So what do you want to do today?  
Monica: I don't know, I guess we could shop for more baby clothes.  
Chandler: But Mo-on! We've done that almost everyday! This is supposed to be our honeymoon!  
Monica: Okay, okay! Geez! Okay then, how about we rent a boat and go sailing on the French Riviera?  
Chandler: (dreading it) Seriously?  
Monica: Yes, seriously. It'll be fun! Just watch.  
Chandler: (sarcastic) Whoopee!  
  
(scene Central Park Phoebe is jogging)  
  
We see her running and singing along with her walkman to (you pick a song) and she turns a corner on the path and crashes into a cute guy, and knocks him down with her landing on top of him.  
  
Phoebe: Hey! Watch out!  
Alex: Hey, no! You watch out!  
  
Phoebe looks down and realizes that he's cute.  
  
Phoebe: You're right, I'm so sorry. Here lemme help you up.  
  
Alex looks up at her, and we can tell that he's instantly smitten.  
  
Alex: Here it's okay. Are you okay, Mrs...?  
Phoebe: Actually, it's Miss Buffay. But you, you're welcome to call me Phoebe. And I'm fine, are you hurt?  
Alex: No, I'm fine... and my name is Alex Parker. I know that you will probably think that I'm incredibly rude, but I must say that I never would have expected to get run over by such a beautiful woman at Central Park on this lovely day (Phoebe giggles) and I was hoping that I could get your number.  
Phoebe: Oh definitely! She writes it down and hands it to him. Call me!  
Alex: Oh I definitely will. He grins and winks at her, and they part ways.  
  
(scene Ross's apartment, he is on the phone)  
  
Ross: Today? Sure, I'd love to spend some time with Ben. I know I haven't, been around much, and I'd love it. (pause) All week? That'd be great, okay Carol, I'll be by in a minute. Bye  
  
We see him leave, and then we see him enter with Ben.   
  
Ross: So Ben what would you like to do today?  
Ben: I don't know, play nintendo?  
Ross: Okay, we can do that.   
Ben: Okay.  
Ross: Ben, do you feel like you never get to see me anymore?  
Ben: (kinda blowing him off, cuz he's impatient) No, we see each other plenty. Let's play dad!  
Ross: Okay, but this week you and me are bonding!  
Ben: Okay, whatever.  
  
commercial break  
  
(scene Central Perk, Rachel's laying down on the couch, crying, and Gunther is bringing her some coffee)  
  
Rachel: Thank you.  
Gunther: Anytime Rachel, are you okay?  
Rachel: Yeah, I'll be okay, I guess.  
Gunther: You can tell me, I won't tell anyone.  
Rachel: (thinking) Okay! I could use someone to talk to about this.  
Gunther: Shoot.  
Rachel: Okay, for starters, I'm pregnant, and the rest is that I'm going to be a mother! And I barely know how to take care of myself, how am I going to raise a kid?  
Gunther: (in shock and angry) Ross's kid?  
Rachel: No.  
Gunther: (relieved) Okay, well Rachel, I personally think that you will do just fine as a mom. I've seen you go through being on your own to being able to fully take care of yourself, it'll be okay.  
Rachel: Thank you.  
  
Phoebe and Joey enter. Gunther goes back behind the counter.  
  
Phoebe: (noticing Rachel's crying) Are you okay honey?  
Joey: Rach? Ohmygosh! What's wrong?  
Rachel: How do I tell you guys this? My best friends! I don't know how to tell you!  
Phoebe: What is it? You know we're here for you, no matter what it is.  
Rachel: I know, but...  
Joey: But what?   
Rachel: (whispering) I'm pregnant.  
Phoebe and Joey: (shrieking) WHAT?!? OH MY GOSH!  
Rachel: Yeah, I know. Phoebe, it was my pregnancy test you found. Not Monica's.  
Phoebe: Oh! That explains a lot, like why Monica kept insisting that it wasn't hers, and also why your aura's been all crazy-like this week.  
Joey: Hey Rach, who's the dad?  
Rachel: I don't see how that is any of your business.  
Phoebe: Oh, I get it, Ross is.  
Rachel: NO! Why does everyone keep thinking that???  
Phoebe: I don't know... geez, chill out.  
Rachel: Okay, sorry.  
  
Ross walks in with Ben, who's looking REALLY bored.  
  
Ross: (to Ben) And that's what dinosaurs were in the Messozaic Period.  
Ben: Yeah, that's great Dad. Hey Rachel. Hey Phoebe. Oh, Hi Joey! Joey, how about me and you play some soccer.  
Joey: Okay, you're on.  
Phoebe: Ooh, ooh! Can I play too??  
Ben: Sure Phoebe. What about you, Rachel? You up for it?  
Rachel: Sorry, Ben. I can't today, I'm not feeling too well.  
Ross: Oh, well, Rachel, call me later about it okay?  
Rachel: Okay, Ross, I will, I promise.  
Ross: Good. Hey Ben, don't worry, I'll play soccer with you guys.  
  
The three exchange looks of dread.  
  
Ben: (sarcastic) Wow, gee thanks, Dad. This will be sooo fun.  
Ross: Yeah, I know.  
  
They exit.  
  
Time Lapse... 3 hours later. Scene Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel's lying down on the couch.  
  
Joey, Phoebe enter carrying Ross. Ben follows  
  
Ross: Ow, ow, ow, ow!  
Rachel: Oh my god, what happened you guys?  
Phoebe: Nitwit here, decided to run and jump at the ball, but instead, he ran in to a gopher hole, and twisted his ankle.  
Ross: Thanks, Phoebe. I didn't see it there.  
Phoebe: (sarcastic) Yeah, that really changes things. You weigh a ton.  
Ben: Aunt Rachel, you should've seen it, it was great! He was, like, flying through the air in slow-motion, and he landed flat on   
face.  
Rachel: (laughing) Okay, you guys, he can lay on the couch.  
  
Joey and Phoebe put him on the couch.  
  
Joey: Ross, are you going to be okay?  
Ross: I don't know... maybe someone should stay with me, like maybe Rachel?  
Rachel: I think you're right. Somebody should stay with you, Phoebe, are you busy tonight?  
Phoebe: (grins evilly) Yeah, I am now. I'm going to be Ross's nurse.  
Ross: (panicky) You really don't have to do that Phoebe.  
Rachel: No, it's okay, I'll take Ben and Joey shopping with me (turns to them) and we'll make a stop at the video game store and   
the candy shops.  
Joey and Ben: Okay, Let's go!  
  
The three exit.  
  
Phoebe: It looks like it just you and me, Gellar. (grins wickedly)  
Ross: (worried) Oh God.  
  
scene French Riviera, a boat, Chandler and Monica are nowhere to be seen. We go to a bird's eye view and slowly zoom in above the boat.  
  
Chandler: Wow.  
Monica: See, honey, I told you this would be fun.  
Chandler: Wow.  
Monica: You need to listen to me more often.  
Chandler: We need to take boat rides more often. (grins)  
Monica: Yeah, how many people do you know that have had sex in a rowboat?  
Chandler: Two, me and you.  
Monica: Yeah, it's great, isn't it?  
Chandler: Oh, yeah.  
Monica sighs happily.  
Chandler: How you doing?  
Monica grins, and the start kissing again, and we zoom out.  
  
Teaser:  
  
Rachel, Joey, and Ben come back from shopping with lots of bags each. Ross is nowhere to be seen. Phoebe is on the phone.  
  
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, sweetie, oh hey, my friends are back. Yeah, tomorrow at 7. Cool. Bye.  
Rachel: Where's Ross?  
Phoebe: After the HOT-oil massage, the salt-water bubble bath, the exfoliation, the aura-cleansing, the fortune reading, and me   
not letting him watch porn, he somehow escaped. (whispers) Actually, he gave me a $50 to leave him alone.  
Ben: Oh, good, maybe our week of so much fun is over. Rachel, can I stay here with you and Joey?  
Phoebe: I'm sure, I think Ross fled the country.  
Rachel: Okay, that's fine, Ben.  
Phoebe: I've a date with a dreamboat tomorrow.  
Joey: Yeah, well, I've got another date with Sam.  
Rachel: I've got a date with the OB/GYN.   
Joey and Phoebe: Ugh!  
Rachel: Yeah, it's what us pregnant women do.  
Phoebe: Yeah, tell me about it. I wonder what Chan and Mon are up to?  
  
fade to:  
  
a hotel room  
  
Monica: I cannot believe you got us lost, and then you didn't even clean up your mess in the bathroom before you left this  
morning.  
Chandler: I'm sorry.  
Monica: Yeah, me too.  
Chandler: Really?  
Monica: (sweetly) Yeah.  
Chandler: (sweetly) Good.  
Monica: I love you.  
Chandler: I love you too.  
  
They start kissing, and the fall on the bed, and we fade back to Rachel and Joey's apartment.  
  
Joey, Phoebe, and Rachel exchange a disgusted look.  
  
All (except Ben): UGH!  
  
  



	3. TO Where Castles are Too Big

Alternate Season 8  
  
TOWhere Castles are Too Big  
  
Scene 1: Joey and Rachel's apartment  
  
Phoebe walks in, and sits in Joey's chair, we hears strangled sobs, and Phoebe gets up and starts heading toward Rachel's room, then we hear a doorbell ring, Phoebe turns to answer it, and it's Alex.  
  
Phoebe: Hello, there, Mister Parker!  
Alex: Hello, to you, Miss Buffay! Are you ready yet?  
Phoebe: Oh, definitely. Where are we going?  
Alex: I was thinking, if it's okay with you, that we could try out the vegetarian place a few blocks down. I know I probably should have told you, but I'm a vegetarian.  
  
Phoebe looks at him wide-eyed  
  
Phoebe: YOU'RE a vegetarian! That's so awesome!!! I am too!!!  
Alex: Really? Cool... well let's go then.  
Phoebe: Okay, hey Rach?  
  
from her bedroom:  
  
Rachel: Yeah?  
Phoebe: I'm leaving, are you going to be okay?  
  
Rachel enters the living room with red eyes, and a funny expression  
  
Rachel: I'll be fine. I just got a funny phone call before you got here. Chris is in town. And he wants to see me.  
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, that's...is he the baby's...  
Rachel: Father? Yeah, I guess I'm going to have to hunt him down. Have fun on your date Pheebs.   
Phoebe: Okay, I will, you be careful here now.   
  
She and Alex exit.  
  
We cut to Rachel sitting on the couch with her face in her hands, saying, "Oh my gosh! What on earth am I going to do?  
  
opening credits  
  
Scene 2 - a guided tour of the French castle Versaille, Monica and Chandler are in there looking around utterly amazed.  
  
Monica: Can you believe how big this thing actually is? I didn't things got this big until about 50 years ago!  
Chandler: I know... it's truly amazing. Oh, look at that painting, hasn't that guy been in every room since we got here?  
Monica: You know what, you're right. Who is that man? Oh sir (to the tour guide) who is the funny looking man in the painting?  
Tourguide: That is actually Louis XVI. He is the man who had Versaille built, he was also very stuck-up and full of himself.  
Monica: Oh... hey, that sounds like you Chandler.   
Chandler: Do I look THAT bad?  
Monica: Of course not, the father of my baby would never be that ugly.  
Chandler: I thought so.  
  
they kiss  
  
the group walks off down a hall leaving Chandler and Monica alone in that huge castle  
  
the break the kiss  
  
Monica: Chandler, where did everyone go?  
Chandler: Oh my gosh! Where are they?!? We have to find them... maybe they went up here. (motions toward a staircase) I I wonder what's up there.  
Monica: Well, let's go then, we better start looking.  
  
Scene 3 - Central Perk   
  
Joey and Sam are sitting on the couch holding hands, Ross is sitting in his chair reading a magazine when a strange, hot man, (Chris-he's played by Brad Pitt) walks in, and goes up to the counter to Gunther.  
  
Chris: Hello, I've been in here a couple times with this girl, and...  
Gunther: Oh, yeah, one of Rachel's date, eh?  
Chris: Yeah, that's her name, anyways, I called her earlier today, and she couldn't really talk right then, so I was wondering... Have you seen her around today, at all?  
Gunther: Yeah, earlier, she was in here with them (motions to Joey, Ross, and Sam) you might wanna ask them where she went.  
Chris: Thank you...  
Gunther: Gunther  
Chris: Gunther, and for your troubles, here's a tip... slides him a $100.  
  
Chris turns over to where the gang is and sits down on the chair that is usually occupied by Joey.  
  
Joey: Uh, excuse me? Hello... who are you?  
Chris: Oh, how incredibly rude of me, my name's Chris, does anyone here know a Miss Rachel Green by chance?  
Ross: We might, what's it to you? (realizing) Oh my gosh! You're Chris?? Well, I'm pleased to know ya. Does Rachel know you're here?  
Chris: She knows I'm in town... do you happen to know where I might locate her?  
Ross: Yeah, she's shopping down town either at Saks or Bloomingdale's.  
Chris: Than you so much! I've missed her so much these past few weeks! I guess I'll see you guys around... oh wait, what are your names?  
Ross: Ross, and that guy's Joey, and he's with Sam.  
Chris: Oh, I see. Have a nice day.  
Joey: You too, dude.   
  
Chris leaves  
  
Sam: Who was that?  
Ross: The baby's dad!  
Joey: Ooooh!  
  
Scene 4 - the streets of New York, the cabby has gotten them lost and somehow they have wound up in The Bronx.  
  
Phoebe: Alex, honey, where are we? This is kinda scary. Oh, and I'm a little cold...  
Alex: (concerned) Oh, you shoulda told me... here take my sweater. Excuse me sir. (to a man walking the streets) Can you point me in the direction of The Village? I'm afraid I'm not completely sure of our location.  
The man: Yeah, you're in The Bronx. Better hurry on down and find a cab before you get mugged.  
Phoebe: Oh my gosh! Alex, let's get out of here! I haven't been here since I was 14, and my mother killed herself, and I was living with the Albino man, who killed himself later. I can't be here.  
The man: Phoebe?? I'm the Albino man's brother!  
Phoebe: Oh my gosh, Steve! Wow, it's been so long.  
Alex: (confused thouroughly) Riiight!  
Steve: Well, here I can get you a cab! (whistles sharply and a cab appears out of nowhere)  
  
Phoebe and Alex get in  
  
Phoebe: Thanks Steve!  
Steve: You're welcome Phoebe, don't be a stranger now!  
Phoebe: I won't.   
  
They leave.  
  
Scene 5 - Central Perk Joey and Ross are where we last left them, Ross is reading a dinosaur magazine, and Joey is drinking coffee, Sam is reading Vogue  
  
Joey: So that's the baby's father, eh?  
Ross: Yup.  
Sam: He's pretty cute. I bet the baby will pretty!  
Ross: (mad) Yes, Rachel and CHRIS will have the most BEAUTIFUL baby EVER!!! Not ME and Rachel, but HE and Rachel  
Joey: Dude, chill out.  
  
(an obviously nervous Rachel walks in the doors)  
  
Rachel: Hi guys!  
Joey/Ross/Sam: Hey Rach!  
Rachel: By chance... there hasn't been a REALLY cute guy with blond hair and a french accent who answers to the name Chris   
in here... has there??  
Ross: Actually, yes, we may have seen one about oh FIVE MINUTES AGO!!!  
Rachel: Oh my gosh! Did he look happy, did he ask about me? Oh my gosh, where did he go?!  
Sam: Well, he said he's missed you.  
Rachel: (tenderly) Really? Wow, I think I need to go find him... I'll see you guys later... oh, Ross, it's him.  
Ross: (sarcastic) Really? I woulda never figured that one out.   
  
Rachel smirks then sticks her tongue out at him and exits with   
Ross: (yelling) Haha, real grown-up Rach! What a great mother you'll make... I hope this Chris guy realizes what he's getting   
into!  
Rachel: (yelling) Yeah, well, he doesn't know about the baby yet! At least it's not yours!!  
  
At that moment Chris walks back in the doors, mumbling about his wallet. Ross and Rachel don't notice him, Joey does, and looks scared.  
  
Ross: At least I was smart enough to not get you pregnant.  
Rachel: At least my baby won't have your nasty hair!  
Chris jerks his head up, and says: BABY?!? Rachel?!? What baby?!?  
Rachel: (ala Janice) Oh. My. God!  
Ross: (to himself) haha, serves ya right!  
  
commercial break  
  
Scene 6 - Back in Versaille  
  
We see lots of shots of Chandler and Monica wandering around the huge castle just barely missing the group at almost everything they pass. Finally we see them in a room with a bed, and Chandler grinning suggestively, Monica looks tempted, but unsure. Then we see her shrug and jump into the bed, we assume they're... you know. A thing that says 1 Hour later comes up, and a tour group barges into the bedroom, while they're still naked in the bed.  
  
Chandler: Hi, everyone. We've been looking for you for a long time! How do we get out of here?  
Tour guide: Uh... you aren't supposed to be in there.  
Monica: We'll be right out, just give us a couple minutes to get dressed.  
Tour guide: Don't worry.  
Monica (after they've left, to Chandler): now THAT'S a honeymoon!!  
Chandler: After London, that's the best!  
Monica: (sadly) I know... too bad we have to leave.  
Chandler: Well...  
Monica: Okay!   
  
They fall back into the bed kissing.  
  
Outside the door, the group hears a LOUD moan come from someone inside! The tour guide barges in again, shielding his eyes, sees what they're doing, and goes to get security.  
  
A few minutes later, Chandler and Monica are escorted out by two very large men, while they're trying to cover themselves with the sheets.  
  
Chandler: (to the policeman) Yeah, we did it illegally.  
The cop: Tu vais a la grande maison. (You are going to the big house)  
The other cop: Ils fait cet ici! (They did it here!)  
The cop: Oui, tres bizarre, le chambre pour les servants! (Yes, very odd, the servants bedroom)  
The other cop: Ils sont tres stupide, mais le fille est tres belle! Le garcon n'est pas beau! (They are very stupid, but the girl is very   
beautiful! The boy is not handsome!)  
Monica: Okay, enough! Just get us out of here!  
The cop: Elle est parler trop! Elle a un large bousche! (She is talking too much! She has a big mouth!)  
  
They exit towing Chandler and Monica with them  
  
Scene 7 - Back to Central Perk  
Chris is standing next to Rachel with his jaw dropped. Ross is smirking, and trying not to laugh. Sam looks shocked. Rachel is pale and breathing really heavy. Joey looks a bit lost.  
  
Chris: (calmer) Rachel, sweetheart, hello.  
Rachel: (nervous) Hello, there baby.  
Chris: Speaking of babies. Rachel, darling, are you going to have a baby?  
Rachel: Actually, this isn't the way I planned on telling you.  
Chris: Well, are you?  
Rachel: Actually....  
Chris: What?  
Rachel: ...WE'RE having a baby.  
Chris: (happy but a bit curious) Really?!? I'm going to be a daddy... oh wow. How did this happen though? We used the right stuff. I mean is it that easy for one of those little suckers to get through?  
Rachel: I don't know... maybe they have tools.  
Chris: (tender) Come here, sweetie (holds his arms out to her)  
  
They kiss  
  
Chris: (softly) Now I don't feel so stupid admitting that I'm in love with you. So, totally, in love with you. I love YOU, Rachel Green!  
Rachel: (teary, (of course, it's Rachel)) Oh, honey, I love you too! (hesitant) You're not going to break up with me?  
Chris: Of course not, don't even think like that.   
  
She goes over to him and he puts his arm around her.  
  
Ross: (sarcastic and a little ticked) Aww... isn't that just the SWEETEST thing you've EVER seen in all your life? I, mean, wow Rachel's IN LOVE! with Chris! Isn't that just GREAT?   
Joey: (softly, to Ross) Dude, you had your chance! She's with someone else now, you're just going to have to get over her once and for all. (to Sam, explaining) They dated for, like, a year, until he slept with the copy girl, and Rachel had to dump him.  
Sam: (in agreement) Oh... I get it now. Thanks sweetie.   
  
They kiss too.  
  
TEASER Scene 8  
  
Phoebe and Alex have arrived back at Phoebe's apartment. They are standing there looking into each other's eyes, it's so cute!  
  
Phoebe: Wow, I had the BEST time tonight! We really need to get together again! Or... you wanna come inside?  
Alex: (embarrassed) Actually, Pheebs, I like you alot, really, I do. But...  
Phoebe: But what?  
Alex: I can't go in there with you.  
Phoebe: (disappointed) Why not?  
Alex: Don't laugh!  
Phoebe: Okay.  
Alex: I can't have sex.  
Phoebe: (interrupting and shocked) OH MY GOD! Why not?!? Are you okay down there? What's the deal! (she's a little   
hysterical)  
Alex: Pheebs, sweetie, calm down. I can't have sex with anyone, until my wedding night. You see, I'm a virgin, and I like it that way -- until I'm married.  
Phoebe: (in shock) Wow! That is like, kinda cool. Honorable, in fact. Do you do anything, like, at all?  
Alex: (mysteriously) Well... I DO do something.   
  
He leans in and kisses her very gently on the mouth.  
  
Phoebe: (heading inside) Yeah, call me!!!  
Alex: I will!  
Phoebe (inside in her mind) OH MY GOSH! He's as good as Joey! And he has brains! I'm in love!!!! 


End file.
